Author: Elizabeth Swire-Falker
Paperback: 320 pages
Publisher:Riverhead Trade; Riverhead Ed edition (April 6, 2004)
ISBN-13: 978-1573223812
ISBN-10:1573223816

I got this book from Singapore National Library. Interesting title! But how is the content? Is it as interesting as the title?
First of all, this book is written by Elizabeth Falker, a lawyer who is struggling from infertility with trying IVF five times. She finally decided to give up with the struggle and pick adoption for her motherhood. So from the background, you will see that the book is more how she shared her struggling with infertility. she shared her own personal experience and offers insight into what challenges to expect along the way-from getting support to finding the right doctor into dealing with insurance. Heartfelt, honest and well-informed flowered with some jokes, the author gave a well-documented personal experience. However coz the author is not with medical background, don’t expect this book with the detail of medical treatment option. She though explored also about IUIs, IVF and some of mostly infertility related sickness but she tell in patient way not in doctor’s way. For me she’s lacking with medical theory and the medicine related. Should this book call a infertility survival handbook? Handbook for me is like a bible. Calling this book as a handbook is just not right.

I recommend you if you’re purchasing an infertility book you’re probably find it which is dealing with yourself. Infertility is a complex problem. You will not get good and complete inform from the book which covers all like this book. However if you just borrowed from library or friends, this book is OK to read. Yeah just OK not great.
Score: 3 out of 5

Below I copy from the cover of the book:

From the Author
People often ask me why I decided to write this book and why I chose to be so honest and straight-forward about what it’s like to be infertile. The answer is simple: I was confused by the information I found on infertility treatment and I felt tremendously isolated and alone. I was walking to my car after an acupuncture session one day and I was angry (why me?), frustrated (for every step forward it seemed we were taking two steps backward), confused (was the acupuncture really a waste of time and money?). But most of all I was scared – was I ever going to have the baby I dreamed of and longed for?
I wandered into a bookstore hoping to find “the one book” that could help me deal with my pain and confusion. Book after book was written by physicians who seemed to know nothing about what infertility was like for the patient (clearly these men had all impregnated their wives on the first try). They may have explained what a Hysterosalpinogram involved, but none of the books told me how absolutely horrific it was to live through or why it’s so important to have it done.
And so it began: endless research and a decision to go so painfully public with my own story that my family is still trying to recover (sorry guys!). I chose to be honest because I knew that if I was open about my experience then someone reading the book might not feel so isolated. The research I did for the book made me empowered – no longer fearful or confused, I was able to take power back and gain some control over my life. There was so much I didn’t know, so much that was unsaid about being infertile; I chose to change that. No one should feel alone and confused as they wander down the street aching for a baby. (And by the way, acupuncture does work. Research now proves that undergoing acupuncture during an IVF cycle increases pregnancy rates!)

Lately, I am trying to diminish questioning why did this infertility happen to me? Why me? I realize it doesn’t really help at all. I believe Allah gave me this life of temptation coz He really loves me. He wants me to cry in Du’a. He wants me to always call His Name, He wants me to be patient and all of that He wants me to stay grounded in Him, Ihlas with what Allah wants me to become.

Trying to know what Allah wants me to become with this infertility, I open the Holy Quran and google the literature about infertility in Qur’an. From my googling literature, I summarized at least there are four things that we can grasp from Quran in facing infertility:

1. Nothing happens except as willed by Allah (s.w.t.). Referring to the bestowal of children and infertility or barrenness

The Qur’an [Qur'an 42:49-50] states, In translation:

To Allah belongs the dominion of the heavens and the earth. He creates what He wills (and plans). He bestows (children) male or female according to His will (and plan).

Milik Allah-lah kerajaan langit dan bumi; Dia menciptakan Apa yang Dia kehendaki, memberikan anak perempuan kepada siapa yang dia kehendaki, dan memberikan anak laki-laki kepada yang siapa yang Dia Kehendaki

Or He bestows both males and females, the He leaves barren whom He wills; for He is full of Knowledge and Power.”

Atau Dia menganugrahkan jenis laki-laki dan perempuan, dan menjadikan mandul siapa yang Dia kehendaki. Dia Maha Mengetahui, Maha Kuasa.

2. Ask, Hope And Patience

Ask:

AlQur’an 40:60 states in translation:

And your Lord says: “Call on Me; I will answer your (Prayer): But those who are too arrogant to serve Me will surely find themselves in Hell in humiliation!”
Dan Tuhanmu berfirman,” Berdoalah kepadaKu, niscaya Aku akan perkenankan bagimu. Sesungguhnya orang yang sombong tidak mau menyembahKu akan masuk neraka jahanam dalam keadaan hina dina“

AlQur’an 27:62 in translation:

“Is it not He who responds to the distressed one when he calls Him

Bukankan Dia(Allah) yang memperkenankan (doa) orang yang dalam kesulitan apabila ia berdoa kepadaNya

Hope

Allah has promised to answer our every prayer to Him, even if delayed. He has also promised us a reward for every prayer in the hereafter. Also, know that what Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) grants may not necessarily be what we desire but what we are given is the best for us, as Allah is All-Aware of what the future holds.

AlQur’an 2:216 in translation:

“And it may be that you dislike a thing which is good for you and that you like a thing which is bad for you. Allaah knows, and you do not know.”

.. Dan boleh jadi kamu tidak menyenangi sesuatu, padahal itu baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal itu tidak baik bagimu. Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui.’

Patience

Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) works in mysterious ways indeed. One of the functions of creating man and woman was procreation, for the preservation and continuity of the human race. This is also one of the reasons why we as humans naturally desire to have children, to such an extent that every one of us actually yearns for parenthood at some point in our lives. Children are a blessing from Allah in this dunya just as wealth or status

Quran 63: 9 states in translation :

“O you who believe! Let not your riches or your children divert you from the remembrance of Allah. If any act thus, the loss is their own.”
Wahai orang-orang yang beriman! Janganlah harta bendamu dan anak-anakmu melalaikan kamu dari mengingat Allah. Dan barang siapa yang berbuat demikian, maka mereka itulah orang-orang yang rugi“

Allah has promised to not burden us with more than our souls can bear and there is relief in these words of Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) because this is not only a promise but also a constant reminder that the burden can be dealt with and it can be overcome, InshaAllah. Indeed, Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) is All Just.

Quran 23: 62 states in translation:

“On no soul do We place a burden greater than it can bear: before Us is a record which clearly shows the truth: they will never be wronged.”
Dan Kami tidak membebani seseorang melainkan menurut kesanggupannya dan pada Kami ada suatu catatan yan menuturkan dengan sebenarnya dan mereka tidak didzalimi(dirugikan)

Alqur’an 16:96 states in translation:

“And those who are patient, We will certainly pay them a reward in proportion to the best of what they used to do.”

.. Dan Kami pasti akan memberikan balasan kepada orang yang sabar dengan pahala yang lebih baik dari apa yang telah mereka kerjakan.

Alqur’an 16:42 states in translation:

(They are) those who remained patient (in this world for Allâh’s sake), and put their trust in their Lord (Allâh Alone)

(Yaitu) orang yang sabar dan hanya kepada Tuhan mereka bertawakkal

3. There is Relief After Every Hardship

From the immense blessings and mercy of Allah (Subhanahu wa Ta’ala) is also that after every hardship there is relief, even if not in the form we asked of Him, for Allah (Tabaarak wa Ta’ala)

Al Qur’an 94:5-6 in translation:

“So verily with every difficulty there is relief: Verily with every difficulty there is relief. ”
Maka sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan. Sesungguhnya bersama kesulitan ada kemudahan

4. Ibrahim and Zakariya were the model:

There are two main stories of infertility which we can draw and learn from Quran. The first model is from Ibrahim s.a.w. and his wife Sarah:

And his wife was standing (there) and she laughed:

Al Qur’an 11:71-73 in translation:

But We gave her glad tidings of Isaac and after him, of Jacob.” She said “Alas for me! Shall I bear a child, seeing I am an old woman, and my husband here, is an old man? That indeed would be a wonderful thing!” They said: “Dost thou wonder at Allah’s decree? The grace of Allah and His blessings on you, O ye people of the house! For He is indeed worthy of all praise, full of Glory

Dan istrinya berdiri lalu dia tersenyum, Maka kami sampaikan kepadanya kabar gembira tentang kelahiran Ishak dan setelah Ishak (akan lahir) Yakub

Dia (istrinya) berkata “sungguh ajaib, mungkinkan aku melahirkan anak padahal aku sudah tua dan suamiku ini sudah sangat tua? Ini benar-benar sesuatu yang ajaib

Mereka(para malaikat) berkata,”Mengapa engkau merasa heran dengan ketetapan Allah? Itu adalah rahmah dan berkah Allah, dicurahkan kepada kamu ahlul bait! Sesungguhnya Allah Maha Terpuji, Maha Pengasih.

The second story of infertility is from Zakariya and his wife :

Qur’an 3:38-40 in translation :

Thus did Zakariya pray to his Lord, saying:

“O my Lord! Grant unto me from Thee a progeny that is pure: for Thou art He that heareth prayer!

While he was standing in prayer in the chamber, the angels called unto him: “Allah doth give thee glad tidings of Yahya, witnessing the truth of a Word from Allah, and (be besides) noble, chaste, and a prophet, of the (goodly) company of the righteous.” He said: “O my Lord! How shall I have son, seeing I am very old, and my wife is barren?” “Thus,” was the answer, “Doth Allah accomplish what He willeth.”

Disanalah Zakariya berdoa kepada Tuhannya, Dia Berkata:

“Ya Tuhanku! Berilah aku keturunan yang baik dari sisimu. Sesungguhnya Engkau Maha Mendengar doa”

Kemudian para malaikat memanggilnya, ketika berdiri melaksanakan sholat di mihrab“ Allah menyampaikan kabar gembira kepadamu dengan kelahiran Yahya, yang membenarkan sebuah kalimat firman dari Allah, panutan, berkemampuan menahan diri dari hawa nafsu dan seorang nabi yang sholeh.“

Qur’an 19:2-4 in translation:

(This is) a recital of the Mercy of thy Lord to His servant Zakariya.Behold! he cried to his Lord in secret, Praying: “O my Lord! infirm indeed are my bones, and the hair of my head doth glisten with grey: but never am I unblest, O my Lord, in my prayer to Thee

Yang dibacakan ini adalah penjelasan tentang rahmat Tuhanmu kepada hambaNya Zakariya. Ketika dia berdoa kepada Tuhannya dengan suara yang lembut:“ Ya Tuhanku! Sungguh tulangku telah lemah dan kepalaku telah dipenuhi dengan uban dan aku belum pernah kecewa dalam berdoa kepadaMu, YaTuhanku

Qur’an 21:89-90 in translation:

“And (remember) Zakariya, when he cried to his Lord: “O my Lord! leave me not without offspring, though thou art the best of inheritors.

” So We listened to him: and We granted him Yahya: We cured his wife’s (Barrenness) for him. These (three) were ever quick in emulation in good works; they used to call on Us with love and reverence, and humble themselves before Us.

Dan Ingatlah kisah Zakariya, ketika dia berdoa kepada Tuhannya,” Ya Tuhanku, janganlah engkau biarkan aku hidup seorang diri tanpa keturunan dan Engkaulah ahli waris yang baik

Maka Kami kabulkan doanya dan Kami anugrahkan kepadanya Yahya, dan kami jadikan istrinya dapat mengandung. Sungguh mereka selalu bersegera dalam mengerjakan kebaikan dan mereka berdoa kepada Kami dengan penuh harap dan cemas. Dan mereka orang-orang yang khusyuk kepada Kami.

Forgive me not putting the Arabic holy Qur’an. All that is right and true comes from Allah, Lord of all the Worlds. Only the mistakes are mine.

resource:

http://www.islamset.com/bioethics/obstet/infert.html

http://islamic-world.net/sister/health.htm

The meaning of the Holy Quran by Abdullah Yusuf Ali

AlQur’an dan Terjemahannya by DEPAG RI

It was Saturday morning almost 9AM. After had light breakfast we rushed to MRT station. We had appointment to my Obgyn doctor Prof. Ng. Soon Chye from Gleneagles hospital at 9:50. My home is some how 45 min to city but Gleneagles nearest MRT station is Orchard which still needs 15 min by bus. Board at the train I asked my hubby whether we just stopped at Outrampark station and catch taxi to gleneagles. My hubby said “Don’t worry, we still have enough time”. My anxious was occur. at 9:50 we were still at Raffles Place interchage and still have to wait the delayed train. Finally we took taxi from orchard to gleneagles. Arrived at the clinic, some one has leaped our queue.

Fortunately we don’t have to wait so long for our turn. This was my second visit to Prof.Ng. I came to Prof.Ng coz my previous doc Prof Jacob from Sam Marie Jakarta refers me to him. later on I knew that Prof.Ng was one of the team in the first IVF successful program in Asia. He is very nice, calm and caring doctor. He gave us our lab test results. the results are not so pleasant. It was OK with my hubby but mine still… my old problem high FSH! Today is my day 12^th of my menses. Prof.Ng ultrasound me to check whether I am ovulating or not. and the results is… like usual. NONE. Even it happened all the time that I had no follicle detected but still it shocked me. Didn’t I try anything for this, from western, massage to acupuncture. Didn’t I give my sacrifice enough for this from leaving my job, dropping my study until leaving my business. why the results still seemed like 4 years ago. oh Gusti Allah.. tell me what should I do? I want to pregnant now even I want to pregnant yesterday… I just can’t wait anymore..

I left Doctor Ng’s room with miserable feeling. My hubby cheered me up with asking me to get Elle bag for me as my late birthday present. my birthday was 4^th april. My old Elle bag has been crumples, so I mentioned my hubby about Elle bag for birthday present. Off course I’m very pleased to accept my hubby offer. Arrived in orchard we directly headed for Paragon. My friend curie said before there is discount for elle. looking at the shop directory. I saw nothing about elle shop. then I asked the reception lady. she said”no elle shop at paragon” waks? curie must give us wrong mall name. I tried to call her. no answer then we decided to go to Takashimaya. No elle bag so far. then we decided to go to orchard point as we guessed maybe what curie mentioned is orchard point not Paragon where they are close. Then my phone rang. It was curie. she told me that the discounted elle is in Metro dept store in Paragon. so we went to paragon again. but o o .. it was heavy rain outside. no way we can cross the street with the windy heavy rain. so we went back to takashimaya. we were looking for tunnel headed to lucky plaza. the tunnel gate was found but it was under construction. we could not pass. so we decided to go to kinokuniya bookstore at takashimaya. on the way to the shop we ‘re passing Louis Vuiton. My hubby asked me whether I would change my mind from elle to louis vuiton. No way! I just don’t dare to spare my money on such thing. beside we have to queue to entrance as the shop limits their guess. taking the elevator we saw takashimaya bazaar on the basement. so.. kinokuniya is not interesting anymore. Viola.. I found elle bag. but I could not find my wished bag. so I still ask my hubby to comeback to paragon. back to paragon. I could not find my model and they are not discounted either. so we come back again to takashimaya. at this time my hubby just said let me rest you find your self. OK dokey. I just went quick to grab my bag.

our jalan-jalan is still going on. My hubby asked me to go to Vivocity at harbor front. We’ve never been there as vivo is quite new mall. Vivo city is the biggest mall in Spore. what we are looking for is tempat makan. my stomach has been clanking. right just entering the mall. someone called my hubby’s name. What a small world we met indonesian friend here. I am happy we found halal food junction and the best here is they totally seperate the halal and non halal counter. the dishes from halal counter are not allowed to bring to non halal and the other way as well. The foods are good. what a good and comfort place to eat. we definitely will come back to this place.

After eating we are heading to vivo gate which is connected to harbor. after long exploring. we’re finally found. the place is nice enough facing to the sea with wood floor board remembered us to sydney harbor at lunapark except the View! in sydney harbor front, the view is the astonished harbor bridge together with operahouse. But here the view is such spoiled container piles. though we still saw some fine things like gondola kereta gantung and trains which are going to and from sentosa island. others? no special! we didn’t spend much time at this board coz looking around what we saw just flirting couples. my husband whispered me it must be more couples at night. not comfort with the place then we find other part of vivo which is heading to harbor. we find it. not really nice also but at least here more families with children enjoy the day. our last exploration for today was all japanese shop. A Japanese shop but almost the items made in China. I was looking for wood massage hammer as my back always in pain while I shop groceries. tra ta.. I find it. wow it’s only $2! worth to buy. Thanks hubby for the birthday present and a fatigue day. you’re just brilliant to change my mood from a miserable morning. love you .